I haven't used this blog, or any blog since getting back from Chinee. It is weird to think it was in June that I came back home. I kind of feel like I never left. My car is my sister's, my room is my parents'... I went to a Wycliffe meeting a week ago. Maybe I'll move again in the next year or so. I love home, friends, Phoenix, but I can't imagine God is preparing me for living here forever. Maybe I'll go to Chad next year. (Haha, whose eyes heard that?)

I am very glad that God made it clear that I was supposed to come back to America and teach in this school, or there would be a lot of kicking myself for leaving such a good school to be in a school I am so... challenged by. I am SOOO thankful for my job or I think I would hurt my feet again playing too much tennis, and doing lots of fun things that would keep from spending time investing in this world I physically live in in socially acceptable way. It's good to be here, you know but I can't wait to go to heaven, and I really love doing things that don't fit the social norms for a girl my age.

I am happy to have such good friends...Last night I went over to a friends house for dinner, in her prayers she thanked God for letting us be friends for 11 years. Has it really been that long? She got married two years ago, and I was looking at her wedding pictures for the first time. What kind of friend is that? I love a genuine friend whose willing to extend grace in order to preserve friendship.

She's talking about babies and it kind of freaks me out. I have a handful of friends my age now who have had, are having, or are wishing to have a baby. Wow. I kind of wonder if I will ever get married...of course that is because I am nearing 60 without anyone who I can just know will be there to share life with for a while. 60? I meant 30. . And I don't know if I'll even want kids. (My parents would kill me...) I love the idea of a life growing before my eyes, but it happens all around. One of the coolest couples I know just didn't have any children because their lives were invested in so many other people's lives around the world. But then again, there are lots of people who I just love to death that are such good parents and have such great kids. Anyway, babies or no babies, it actually doesn't really concern me right now except that I can't believe she wants a baby... Doesn't she know where that thing will have to come out of? Yikes.

I do not like these papers on my desk that I have to grade. Blahhhh. Is there anyone who needs a black and white artist?

I love monsoon season in Arizona.

Last weekend I went with the SBC high school staff to a cabin in Strawberry. Now, I loved hanging out with the staff a ton, but the last place I want to be when I am in Strawberry is in a cabin too close to civilization that I can't lose myself in the trees and birds and lizards and rocks and things without running into or even hearing another human around for a while. So, the first morning I woke up and hiked up to the top of the mountain behind our cabin, and was pleasantly surprised that even though our cabin was in a neighborhood, behind it was miles of trees. Then the second morning, instead of hiking up the mountain again, I took my Ruger Bearcat and walked a mile away from the cabin on a forest service road into a little valley. Then I turned off the road onto a game trail. I followed it through the long grass, Ponderosas, and Junipers into land full of deer sign. There was so much sign, the air was still so cool and calm from the night, and the Junipers were so full of berries that I knew I was close to deer. I kept walking, feeling the distance of the cabin becoming further and further behind when I heard a twig break 50 yards away, and I looked up, I saw a little doe prancing away from me. I ran after it a little until it stopped to look at me. We stood there for a minute staring at each other. I started inching closer and closer. It was so small but didn't have any spots so I knew it wasn't a baby. It had humungous ears and a big fluffy tail sticking straight up in the air. Finally it ran off and I watched it vanish through the trees. I walked back and shot a few drunkard empty bottles, and went back to the cabin. If I had one more morning I would have invited others to join me for a walk and to shoot a little, but I didn't. Maybe next time.

So, I was touched by 2 Chronicles 29:36 this morning. Hezekiah is praising God for helping him get so much done so quickly. This is what I pray for my day today. I just need to get away from the computer and start working now. I love vacation...I love hunting (I consider finding my little deer hunting even though I had no intentions to kill it.), piano, painting and Chinese friends. I talked to one for an hour today. It was wonderful.

Currently Listening Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship By India.Arie see related

I just got back from the TRAC camp. It was amazing. I cried and laughed and served so much. The camp is for abused and neglected foster children. I was sooo blessed to have had the opportunity to be part of those children's lives for a short time.

The girls in my cabin were all so funny and sweet and I would love to take any of them home with me forever, but together they got in fights and cussed a lot. I was responsible for two girls. One of them was so quiet, but I think that if she had grown up in a loving, secure home, she would be outgoing because she was so brave to try new things and be up in front of people. She smiled and laughed when she was happy; she pierced her lips and they would start quivering when she was nervous; and when she was not focused on the outside world, her eyes became so focused and serious, like the way a 90 year old will stair off into memories she no longer has breath or organization to talk about out loud. I happened to put a pound bag of mixed plastic beads in my suitcase when I packed for camp. When I got there, they sat on the table under piles of other crafts the other counselors brought. One day during a craft time the girls were led in either making bracelets or pillows, and she chose the bracelets. I loved getting to help her. When we went back to the cabin I found the bag of beads I brought and handed them to her as a gift. She was so surprised and sweet when she accepted the gift. I pray that she will find Jesus as an even better gift that she can't refuse to take because she is drawn to Him so naturally.

The camp's theme was Ps. 139:12 "Even the darkness is not dark to you. The night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." The theme was beautiful and the teacher taught so well to the girls. Light. Verses about light fill my heart with such joy, like Romans 13:12, "Set aside the works of darkness and put on the armor of light." and so on. I think of how when you take a dark place and set a light in it...the light takes over the darkness instead of the darkness taking over the light. Light wins every time. ...(well, except the time when Bilbo gets sucked into the dark marshy dead-body water by staring into the "lights.") Satan is disguised as an angle of light because light is so powerful...but even his light is darkness and will be overcome. Colossians 1:13 "For He delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption and the forgiveness of sins." Forgiveness is a way for light to enter. "Darkness hates the light cuz the light is free...if they hated Him they're gonna hate you and me. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" that is a part of a Billy Sunday song, but that is what I think of as I and like 50 other staff served the past week. We raged, and it felt so good! Thank you God!

Currently Reading Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road By Donald Miller see related

Yep, I'm back in AZ. I was in California for the past 4 days though. It was a lot of fun. I drove my cousin and sister there so that we could just hang out on the beach, which we did- four different beaches in four days, and lots of burnt skin and sand to prove it. We also went and visited my Great Aunt Gertie. I really love her. She is my Grandpa Van Kommer's younger sister. I never met my Grandpa, but she tells me lots of fun stories about him, like how he would hold her hand on the way to school and loved Jesus so much. She is 92 years old, has friends at the church she's been going to for the past 50 years, is still healthy even though she walks with a cane if she goes outside, and couldn't be more joyful. She praises God for the good things in her life all the time (especially for flowers and birds and lemon merangue pie) Her little Cokie is still alive too. He's such a good old 18 year old cockatiel bird (named after Cokie Roberts...when the bird was too small to know that it was actually a boy). 

When I got home yesterday I joined 24 hour fitness gym...I would have no matter what (because Becky said they had the body bug), but because they are celebrating their 24th annaversery this week only, I got huge discounts! It was only a little more than $600 for 3 years... That's only one quai (15 cents) more a day than I was paying at the wacked Su Jia Tun jym. Haha.

Anyway, I think of Shenyang all the time. I have even listened to Chinese tapes and practiced chinese, weird hu? Especially since I still haven't found a Mandarin speaker around here. I even asked the Chinese man in the resturant in my neighborhood, and he said he only spoke Cantonese. Bu fang bien.

So, the saying that keeps going through my head is: Ju tou wang ming yue, di tou si gu xiang. It means when I look up I see the bright moon, and when I look down I think of my old home. It is definatly my favorite Chinese poem, because, well, actually it is the only chinese poem that I could remember, but that is because it is the only one that really touched my heart when I heard it.

Wow. I am shocked that Xanga still exists. I just got back from China a week ago (yeah), but since March I was totally blocked from getting on this site...I think it had to do with how the Chinese government totally tightens up on Christian activity before the anaversery of the Tienanmen Square riot. I also had to get rid of my Myspace because of being watched, along with stopping my bible studies. Wow. I walked into the LA airport last Thursday and when I saw the American flag I think I shed a tear, and a few times since, just driving around when I see that beautiful flag. Seriously can't take my freedom for granted. Thank God for the men who died for my American freedom!

So, if you're my AZ friend and are reading this, please call me. I'd love to hang out...especially if you're reading this because that means a lot to me. Haha.